Has love seemed to ALWAYS elude you?
It’s February – the month of love. I suppose a post about love (or lack of it) is warranted.
If you’re single, February 14 can be the most dreadful day ever. While people all around you are celebrating their love with their significant other, it’s a reminder that you’re alone in the love life area.
You probably saw your friends married their high school sweetheart straight out of college. It didn’t bother you. You were optimistic that you’d meet someone before you hit 30. So, you got busy building your career and climbed the corporate ladder.
Then, 30 came and went. You’ve dabbled in the dating scenes and somehow you are still out of luck with love. (You swore you’d never gotten on Tinder or Cupid ever again!)
Family parties become a dread when your parents hint that they want to have grandchildren to spoil already or before they die (Talk about guilt tripping!)
Oh, don’t forget that nosy aunt who starts matchmaking you with her friend’s son who is a doctor or a lawyer!
Your own biological clock starts to turn up its ringing inside your head. Occasionally, you wonder if you should consider freezing your eggs, just in case the right guy comes along really late and you still want to have kids of your own.
How about those weddings? Oh, there are lots of weddings. You get asked to be the bridesmaid to your girl friends’ weddings. At each wedding, you’ll have a flicker of hope that the next one will be YOUR wedding.
But, alas your prince doesn’t come in a white horse. Instead, he’s riding a turtle and gets lost somewhere. (Mine is probably lost in the woods and he is too stubborn to ask for direction!)
So, here’s to the girl who wonders “Will I Ever Get Married?”
I am not gonna give you tips on finding love. What do I know about love? I have never been in love.
In my sophomore year (when most teenage girls are worried about boys and prom), we had a big riot in my country that led to attacks of the minority and government overthrow. The next year, my mom brought us to the U.S. to start a new life. I got busy learning English as a second language, navigating a new culture, and going to college.
When I was finally in a good place in life (having a good job, paid off my student loan and started saving), life required me to move to the other side of the world and started over again in all aspects of my life.
It never bothered me being single. I knew from early on that I want to be financially stable before I get into marriage and raising kids. So, I got busy building my career, volunteering in my communities and doing things I am passionate about in my free time.
In his sermon, my pastor Justin Craig once shared an analogy about dating and marriage that I have since adopted.
“Marriage is about becoming one with your partner, fitting together physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Start a loving relationship with God. Run to Him.
As you are running toward God, take a look at your right and left, and see others who are running as fast as you are toward Him.
If you see someone cute, express your interest. Date him. Get to know him. If he matches up at least 80% of the qualities of what you think God wants in your marriage partner, he might be the one.
If he’s not, let him go and go back to running your own course.”
There’s more to the sermon about the courtship, engagement, wedding and eventually marriage. But, my main takeaway from the sermon was about the view in dating.
Striving for marriage is not the goal in life. Running toward Him is.
Some of us pick up our life partner at mile 20, some at mile 49 and so on. Some might not even get married at all. Whatever the case, we each have our own course to run.
Most of us believe in the idea of soul mate – that there is someone out there just for us that will complete us. We yearn for marriage because we have the expectation that this one person will satisfy all our needs.
“God desires for you to have an intimate relationship with Him and a romantic relationship with another.” – Jason Illian
God is our true soul mate. He is the one who knows our deepest thoughts and desires. As Jason Illian puts it, “He is the source of all that we are and will be.” Find your identity in Him.
We have a romantic relationship with our spouse – a fellow human being with his own shortcomings, just like us with our own shortcomings.
God gives us a spouse to learn and grow together in the journey of marriage.
Believe that when the time is right, God will bring you two together.
In the meantime, keep running your race.
Get to know yourself. Learn what you’re passionate about and do those. Travel the world. Hike up those mountains. Play with the kids at church. Learn how to cook and manage your finances. Dive with the sharks (I personally won’t do this one!). Go sky diving (I won’t do this one either. – I like to feel the ground underneath my feet!). Solve world hungers (if you’re so inclined!).
Be your whole self in Him.
Darn the ticking biological clock. There are many baby orphans in the world who can be the benefactors of your love. I personally would not entertain the idea of freezing my eggs or doing IVF treatments should I have the trouble conceiving. I’d go with the adoption process in heartbeat.
Live your best life, whether or not you pick up a spouse along the journey.
And maybe go to funerals and poke those old people who keep poking you “You’re next” at weddings. 🙂
P.S. Sorry for the dark humor. What can I say? I am a Scorpio. 🙂
P.P.S. Next week, I will have a guest here on the blog. She founds love at the age of 62 on Craiglist! Stay tuned and learn her amazing story.
Please share the love. Thanks!